Thanks.
I started to write again after being in writing-block for 2 years. I started to be confident about myself, even though I’m still not good at writing. At first, I write because I want to be writer and produce books. But I know, I’m way too far from that. I’m not that confident to show another side of me to my relatives, but I feel like I have to push myself. So, I made this account.
I keep on questioning my motives; what makes me try to be brave and show the world my writings? I’m not this kind of person. I’m more of the type to keep everything anonym and keep it to myself. I don’t want someone figured out what I’m doing. I want to keep it for myself until I make it. I don’t know if I’m improved or stuck in this phase, by telling everyone that I started to write and have an account, made special for writes.
There’s so much dilemma in me. Once again, why I keep writing when I don’t know the reason why I started? Why I keep click the publish button in this app? Why I do get frustrated over a story that, I personally think, not good enough to publish? Why I want to continue the paper cranes chapters, even if I wasn’t feeling it?
And then my friend, text me,
“There’s a writer I know. She made a lot of alternate universes and I happen to read her first story. It wasn’t that great, it’s totally different from her recent stories, the one she turned into a novel.”
I’m all ears, waiting for her next messages.
She continues, “What I want to say is: she is improved and so will you. Her stories wasn’t that great. Even sometimes I feel like her stories isn’t make sense, like she couldn’t build the vibes. Her first story, if I can put it in a word is: stiff and absurd(?)”
“She needs more than a year to finally produce a good story and publisher finally intrigued to hers. So do you, keep going. Practice more, create more because these things could help you improved.”
And finally, I got my answer.
Why have I started? Why I keep click the publish button in this app? Why I do get frustrated over a story that, personally I think, not good enough to publish? Why I want to continue the paper cranes chapter, even if I wasn’t feeling it?
It’s because, I’m not writings so that publisher saw me, my potentials. I’m not apparently. I write for myself. I write because I feel like doing it. I want to connect with someone out there. I want to feel related to them and it’s my hobby. I want to pour all my feelings into words because it’s my therapy. I write for myself and I, apparently, don’t care if it’s good or not. I’m just trying to turned my imagination and feelings into stories. That’s it.
That’s why I keep publish more and more stories, even if I have 0 interaction.
I’m doing this for my own happiness.
And thank you — my friend that I can’t mention her name — for supporting me.
